When you were in college, you were faced with many important questions such as, what my major should be, and what classes should I take? But at some point an even more important question popped up: where should I go for spring break. You think, "I want to go on the wildest spring break trip ever!" For one reason or another, that never happened. Flash forward 10, 15, or 20 years and you are about to see Piranha 3-D. Welcome to the spring break that you never got. Oh, except for one thing... the piranhas!
It is Spring Break on Lake Victoria, where Sheriff Forester and her family reside. She tasks her oldest son, Jake, with babysitting her two youngest children. What she doesn’t know is that he has other plans. Jake accompanies Derrick Jones, who is there to film his own “girls gone wild” type of show, to take him to the best spots on the lake. Unknown to them and the other spring breakers, an underwater tremor has released some hungry prehistoric piranhas.
I could sit here and rip this movie for all its flaws, but I really don’t want to. For example, take the scene where the sheriff and deputy find Matt (Richard Dreyfuss) dead in the water. It is pitch black, but as the scene changes and they pull him out, it is early morning already. Did it really take them that long to pull him out of the water? And then the sheriff immediately panics, and wants to close the lake. They were trying to be a little too dramatic there. How about the scene where Derrick’s ladies, Danni and Crystal, are swimming naked under the boat? While it is funny watching Derrick go crazy trying to film this, did anyone notice how long they are under water? They can really hold their breaths. And I know that wasn’t what you were paying attention to fellas!
Enough with the complaining! I am not going to criticize this movie anymore. It really isn’t worth my time. With a movie like this, you just have to enjoy it for what it is. If you take it seriously, you will be complaining all day long. You just have to sit back, and let it happen. Enjoy the blood, and boobs because that is really what this movie came down to. I knew there was potential for some naked women in this movie, but they went way overboard. At some points, I wasn’t sure if it was the attack of the piranhas, or boobs.
Lets try to forget the boobs, and get to what everyone really came to see: the piranhas. These certainly are some nasty looking prehistoric piranhas. After having to feed on each other for so long, they are ready for some new flesh to bite into. In what I will call “The Lake Victoria Massacre,” the piranhas go into an absolute feeding frenzy. If you are in the water, you are fair game. Even one girl that is parasailing comes too close to the water. The remains of spring breakers are left floating all over the lake. Blood becomes the new coat of paint for most of the boats. Not all the deaths are courtesy of the piranha. That one jerk, who got what he deserved, got on a boat, and starting driving over the people in the water. One of the funniest moments is when duty Fallon takes a propeller, and holds it in the water to kill the piranhas. As the scene continues on, you see hundreds of them swimming at him over and over, but where are they going? He is killing some, but others are behind him. It is so ridiculous looking it is funny. And if you dislike Eli Roth, there is a scene with him you may enjoy.
As far as the 3D, it wasn’t all that great. There are a few times when a piranha would stop for a close up, but I think they missed an opportunity to do more. Probably the best moment of 3D use is when a certain body part is sinking, and a piranha comes by to gobble it up (sort of). The worst moment of 3D is actually during the opening credits. The name placements, along with the movement of the scene, are a little off. If 3D hurts my eyes something is wrong because it usually doesn’t bother me.
This review is probably as bad as the movie actually is. I could have made it better by pointing out all of its flaws, but that would have been too easy. Instead, I looked past all those things because I didn’t expect anything serious from this movie. I had a lot of fun watching it, and that is what really counts. It is because I was so entertained by this obviously bad movie, I give it 3 pools of blood.
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