PIRANHA 3-D REVIEW

  When you were in college, you were faced with many important questions such as, what my major should be, and what classes should I take? But at some point an even more important question popped up: where should I go for spring break. You think, "I want to go on the wildest spring break trip ever!" For one reason or another, that never happened. Flash forward 10, 15, or 20 years and you are about to see Piranha 3-D. Welcome to the spring break that you never got. Oh, except for one thing... the piranhas! 

  It is Spring Break on Lake Victoria, where Sheriff Forester and her family reside. She tasks her oldest son, Jake, with babysitting her two youngest children. What she doesn’t know is that he has other plans. Jake accompanies Derrick Jones, who is there to film his own “girls gone wild” type of show, to take him to the best spots on the lake. Unknown to them and the other spring breakers, an underwater tremor has released some hungry prehistoric piranhas.

  I could sit here and rip this movie for all its flaws, but I really don’t want to. For example, take the scene where the sheriff and deputy find Matt (Richard Dreyfuss) dead in the water. It is pitch black, but as the scene changes and they pull him out, it is early morning already. Did it really take them that long to pull him out of the water? And then the sheriff immediately panics, and wants to close the lake. They were trying to be a little too dramatic there. How about the scene where Derrick’s ladies, Danni and Crystal, are swimming naked under the boat? While it is funny watching Derrick go crazy trying to film this, did anyone notice how long they are under water? They can really hold their breaths. And I know that wasn’t what you were paying attention to fellas!

  Enough with the complaining! I am not going to criticize this movie anymore. It really isn’t worth my time. With a movie like this, you just have to enjoy it for what it is. If you take it seriously, you will be complaining all day long. You just have to sit back, and let it happen. Enjoy the blood, and boobs because that is really what this movie came down to. I knew there was potential for some naked women in this movie, but they went way overboard. At some points, I wasn’t sure if it was the attack of the piranhas, or boobs.

  Lets try to forget the boobs, and get to what everyone really came to see: the piranhas. These certainly are some nasty looking prehistoric piranhas. After having to feed on each other for so long, they are ready for some new flesh to bite into. In what I will call “The Lake Victoria Massacre,” the piranhas go into an absolute feeding frenzy. If you are in the water, you are fair game. Even one girl that is parasailing comes too close to the water. The remains of spring breakers are left floating all over the lake. Blood becomes the new coat of paint for most of the boats. Not all the deaths are courtesy of the piranha. That one jerk, who got what he deserved, got on a boat, and starting driving over the people in the water. One of the funniest moments is when duty Fallon takes a propeller, and holds it in the water to kill the piranhas. As the scene continues on, you see hundreds of them swimming at him over and over, but where are they going? He is killing some, but others are behind him. It is so ridiculous looking it is funny. And if you dislike Eli Roth, there is a scene with him you may enjoy.

  As far as the 3D, it wasn’t all that great. There are a few times when a piranha would stop for a close up, but I think they missed an opportunity to do more. Probably the best moment of 3D use is when a certain body part is sinking, and a piranha comes by to gobble it up (sort of). The worst moment of 3D is actually during the opening credits. The name placements, along with the movement of the scene, are a little off. If 3D hurts my eyes something is wrong because it usually doesn’t bother me.

  This review is probably as bad as the movie actually is. I could have made it better by pointing out all of its flaws, but that would have been too easy. Instead, I looked past all those things because I didn’t expect anything serious from this movie. I had a lot of fun watching it, and that is what really counts. It is because I was so entertained by this obviously bad movie, I give it 3 pools of blood.

  HorrO 

DEVIL REVIEW

  

  With Devil being a movie about fears, my biggest fear was that there was going to be some stupid twist at the end that would ruin it. The biggest fear for others is that with M. Night Shyamalan’s name attached to the movie it would suck. Even the person holding the screening had to warn the audience that while his name is on the movie, he did not direct it. I could tell everyone was still skeptical. My fear grew as the movie got closer and closer to starting. In the end, were these fears put to rest?

  The movie starts out with Ramirez, who turns out to be one of the security guards in the office building and the narrator, telling us a story about the Devil. As the story goes, the Devil disguises himself amongst us in a plan to punish a group of people before taking their souls. The Devil’s plan starts with a suicide, which happens at this building. That is when detective Bowden is called to the scene to investigate. His investigation soon turns into a call about an assault in an elevator where five passengers are stuck.

  Let me start with what this movie is about: fear. Yes, it is about the Devil too, but who better to install that fear in you than the Devil himself. Hell, for some people, there is no greater fear than the Devil himself. As strange events start occurring, they fear the person who is responsible, but don’t know whom that person is. The fear grows, as they point fingers at each other, and the tension rises. They don’t know what is going on because the power to the elevator goes out every time something odd happens. If there is one thing that I was a little disappointed with, it was that a lot of the action took place in the dark. You are left to only hear the commotion in the elevator. However, they quickly make up for it when the power returns. I like seeing the action, but that is just me. Hearing it is just as effective for others because like the passengers, you don’t know what is happening.

  The elevator passengers aren’t the only ones who experience fear. The audience has plenty to fear as well. There are arrays of fears brought to light, which they hope will remind you of your greatest fears. The fear really begins with getting in the elevator, which a lot of people are actually afraid to do. For a movie that takes place primarily in an elevator, they make most of it. One of the passengers hesitates before getting in the elevator because they are claustrophobic. You knew someone had to be claustrophobic. How could you do a movie about people stuck in an elevator without one? There is the fear of heights, as you see the building’s engineer walking on the roof of this extremely tall building. The engineer also shows the fear of falling, as he dangles from a rope in the elevator shaft. Then there are other fears such as, the fear of getting shocked by electricity, and even of the dark.

  As for my fear (and I don’t mean my fear of sharks), I can’t tell you how happy I am that there wasn’t a stupid twist to the story. I was worried that we were going to go through the whole movie, and then some dumb twist would pop up, and ruin everything that happened. You know, kind of like The Last Exorcism. Speaking of The Last Exorcism, this movie is much scarier. I think I even got some chills in certain parts. That probably wasn’t totally fair to The Last Exorcism, but I think you understand what I’m talking about. There is a moral message in this story, as there sometimes is when religion is involved, but it doesn’t spoil the ending. It actually ties everything together, and wraps up the story nicely.

  Not everything in the movie is gloom and doom. There is some comic relief, especially when they first get stuck. What better way to break the immediate tension of the elevator stopping than a little humor? One character continues to sing along with the elevator music, which of course annoys the others. It is another thing that they had to include in a story involving an elevator. There are two security guards, Ramirez and Lustig, who provide some laughs mostly at Ramirez’s expense. They are watching the events in the elevator from the security office. As the circumstances get weird, Ramirez’s belief in the Devil appears, which at first is something to laugh at, but is no laughing matter by the end.

  One of the most interesting things the movie does is during the opening credits. You get an aerial view of the city upside-down. While it is a different view, there is plenty of meaning behind it. Keep it in mind for when the movie concludes. The story starts with a bang, and keeps on moving. After all, how long can you really keep people trapped in an elevator? They get trapped not long after the movie begins, and then the fear sets in. While the passengers don’t reveal a great deal about themselves to each other, you learn about them as detective Bowden has them investigated while trying to get them out. You find out exactly who these people are, and why they are there.

  My biggest fear was erased after seeing this movie. There is a twist, if you want to call it that, but it doesn’t ruin the movie. The movie brings up all kinds of fears, including the fear of the Devil. The story gets right to the point, and moves right along to scaring the passengers and the audience. I got over my fears, but I fear people will still pass on watching this movie because M. Night’s name appears on it. I had the same concerns, but I don’t think this one will disappoint you. For sure, it is better than most of his recent movies, including The Happening or as I refer to it “Nothing Happening.” I, like many of you, said I wouldn’t spend another dime seeing one of his movies in theaters. Even though I saw it for free, I wouldn’t have been upset spending $10 or $11 on it, and give it 3.5 pools of blood.

  HorrO

MY THOUGHTS ON TRUE BLOOD EPISODE 12

Episode 3.12- “Evil is going on”  In the third-season finale, Eric’s overwhelming thirst for revenge against Russell presents a moral dilemma. Meanwhile, a frustrated Sookie gives serious consideration to a life without vampires.

My thoughts on episode 12:

  Sadly the True Blood season finale has come and gone. There were twists and turns. Some secrets were revealed, while others were kept. There was plenty of drama, but not enough action. I was close with some of my predictions, way off with others, and some may have to wait until next season. Lets see how the season finished, and what we have to look forward to.

  When we left off last time, Eric and the King were roasting in the parking lot. You knew Eric wasn't going to die (easy prediction), but how would they escape. Sookie to the rescue! After expressing her displeasure with Bill, she went outside to the vampire barbeque. The King urged her to use her fairy powers to set them free. She blasted the handcuffs setting them free, but that wasn't the cool part. Then she blasted the King sending him flying across the parking lot. Now that is something you won't see Tinker Bell doing. 

  In breaking news, Sam told Tara that he was a shape shifter. I didn't see that coming. Looks like a good roll in the hay put Sam in a better mood. That was until he figured out that Tommy stole his money. In one of the better cliffhangers for next season, Sam caught up with Tommy, and eventually shot at him. Did he really kill Tommy, or was that another warning shot? And so much for that new found relationship with Tara. She wasn’t exactly trilled to find out she has been sleeping with a shape shifter. I have said over and over again, she really knows how to pick them.

  Wait! No, don’t do it Tara! I was just kidding. You will find a good man…eventually. Just put down those scissors. Oh, you are just going to cut your hair. Wow, that was another close one. You never know with that girl. Tara has gone through a lot this season, and had enough. Sleeping with a shape shifter, and then finding her mom having an affair with a reverend was the last straw. It looks like she has left town for now. Anyone think she will come back with another loser?

  All right, I will leave Tara alone…moving along. Hoyt arrived at work to find his mom, Summer, and his high school guidance counselor waiting for him (how embarrassing). The counselor asked him to take a seat for a moment, and hear what they had to say. Summer reminisced about liking him since they first meet, and his mom couldn’t help but express her dislike for Jessica. Hoyt had enough, and showed his mom that he was finally a man. I tried to tell you Summer, “biscuits, but with a new ingredient.” I was right about Hoyt being able to save money by feeding Jessica his blood. He had enough money to get a new home for the two of them. And while he isn’t addicted to V yet, there is still time for that when they start living together. I was also right that his mom would go nuts. She went gun shopping, and it wasn’t to hunt deer. Anyone notice the Rev.’s face on the stand up poster?

  I am on a roll. These predictions were easy. Jason blowing his chance to be a cop by stopping the raid, check. Crystal taking him back to where she lives, check. Andy realizing that being sheriff isn’t all that great, check. Jason winning my favorite line of the week, damn. Leave it to Jason to screw up again. More on my favorite line later because I have to say I was a little surprised by this part of the show. I didn’t see Felton becoming addicted to V. That was supposed to be Hoyt’s job. It was crazy how Felton just interrupted, and shot Crystal’s father. I couldn’t have predicted that, but I was a little disappointed by this scene. First, after shooting his people, why wouldn’t he just shoot Jason, and take Crystal. Then, after giving her the choice to come with him, they left Jason to just hide everyone, and there was no battle with DEA. I mean, if these people are really panthers, and I wanted to see what they could do. Message to True Blood: how about a little more fighting!

  There was too much going on with Eric, Sookie, and Bill to really advance all the storylines in the show (imagine that). They barely touched on Arlene, and her pregnancy, so I won’t spend much time on it either. I just can’t wait until Terry leaves her. So onto Lafayette, who seems to be going a little crazy. First he saw Sam’s hands covered in blood, and then Arlene’s ex with his arm around her saying that he was inside of her. Jesus didn’t have to do any convincing to get back into Lafayette’s good graces. He was the only one Lafayette could call for help. Jesus raced over to the bar to console Lafayette. That was when we found out that Jesus was a witch. I knew he was up to no good. It was too convenient that he worked with Lafayette’s mom, and later showed up at his door. He is helping Lafayette discover his powers, but for what purpose?  Could Lafayette really be a witch too? Do I foresee a good witch, bad witch rivalry in the future? Yea, I know, enough with the predictions already.

  Now back to that Eric, Bill, and Sookie stuff. After dragging Eric back inside the bar, Pam mentioned that he needed human blood to recover. Sookie being the closest thing to human, made yet another blood donation. Eric recovered physically, but not mentally. He told the others that he saw Godric, and Godric told him to forgive the King. With that, Sookie had to go back outside, and drag the King inside. That was some good work with the extremely burnt face, and smoke coming out his mouth. They tied him up to a pole, and then took a nap. Yes, it was lights out for the vampires. How come they always have to sleep, but none of the humans do? I’m tired from all this writing, but you don’t see me napping.

  The King took this opportunity to be alone with Sookie to try to make a deal with her. After pretending to be in on the deal, Sookie basically told him to go to hell, and sprayed vampire mace at his face. See, I told you humans should be the ones carrying vampire mace, and not the vampires. She then got Talbot’s jar, poured his remains into the sink, and turned on the disposal. Ugh, guess I was wrong again. He didn’t get a new jar to rest in peace, but at least he will rest in pieces. Not long after that, Alcide finally showed up to rescue Sookie. Uh, not really. He showed up to help Eric take the King to his final resting spot. However, he did tell Sookie that he was thinking about her, and she was excited to see him.

  So where did they take the King? They took him to a construction sight to pour concrete over him. Wow, all Alcide had to do was drive them there, and all his debts were repaid. Cool deal! Hey, look at that, Bill and Eric were actually getting along. How nice, they are going to shake hands, and will now live happily ever after. Nope, that was too good to be true. I had a feeling one of them was going to end up in the pool of concrete, but I would have thought it would be Bill. Bill tried to get rid of Eric, and then took off for Sookie’s house. After she invited him in, he told her that the King and Eric were dead, and that he would continue to kill everyone that has tasted her blood. It sounded like a good idea, and Sookie was buying it until Eric showed up at the door. For the second time, there was no chance that Eric was dying, but as predicted, that leaves the door open for the King to return too. With every good prediction, there is a bad prediction. Eric did tell Sookie why she shouldn’t trust Bill. So much for holding that until next season. I didn’t think that it was much of a surprise that Bill had those guys beat up Sookie so that he could feed her his blood. I always thought that was too much of a coincidence. She then uninvited Bill in her home, and he was pulled from the house. Now that is what I’m talking about. They did that trick, and did it again as I said they should. It is good to see they listen to me sometimes (still no epic battle cough cough). Sookie not only told off Bill, but she told Eric to get lost as well.

  That wasn’t it for Bill though. Apparently he told the Queen to come to his house because he had Sookie for her. The Queen dressed in black to morn the King’s death, came to his house ready to feast on Sookie. Think again Queen. Bill told her that Sookie was not there, and challenged her to a fight. In the coolest moment of the episode, they show their fangs, and begin to levitate before launching at each other. Another warning for you True Blood: don’t disappoint me next season and pick up this scene at the conclusion of this fight. I want to see them floating through the air, and fighting. You owe it to me True Blood.

    Finally, a chance for Alcide to roll up, and comfort Sookie with the vampires gone. They could lock lips, and end the season on a high note. Nope…not happening. There was no sign of Alcide. Instead, an upset Sookie ran to her grandmother’s grave looking for some guidance. That was when Claudine appeared, and told Sookie to join her. With other fairies in the background, Sookie and Claudine walked towards each other with their arms up creating a light. As the light became one, all the fairies disappeared including Sookie. Season over! That’s it! That’s how you end it? Sookie disappearing! Fine, as long as we see Bill and the Queen fight next season I won’t say anything more.

  For the last time this season, I give you my favorite line of the week. I have to say it was hard to find one with all the drama going on. Jason failed me, but Eric picked up the slack. Alcide and Bill were staring down each other in the bar. Eric was dragging the King out when he said, “When you two stop eye fucking each other can we go?” Not the best line of the season, but amusing to say the least. 

  It was a good season of True Blood. It had its ups and downs, but I thought it was better than last season. They introduced us to werewolves, werepanthers (whatever that is suppose to be), fairies, and now witches. We met a lot of new characters. Some that will be with us for along time (Alcide), and others that didn’t last the season (poor Franklin). There was plenty of great lines, and blood splattering fun. The most disappointing thing was that there was no epic battle that I begged for, but oh well. The finale left us with a lot to look forward in season four. I won’t bore you with any more predictions, as we will have plenty of time for that before next season begins, except that Sookie went into the chandelier (so obvious). After all, I have to take a nap now, and you probably do to after reading this. Goodnight!

TRUE BLOOD SEASON FINALE PREDICTIONS

  

  So we are almost at the True Blood season 3 finale. It sucks that the season is over so fast. It has been a good season, which has made it very easy to write about. I decided to give it a try and make a few predictions for the finale. Some of these predictions may be a little more serious than others. And I didn’t cheat by reading any spoilers.

Summer: gets a hold of herself, and continues on with Mrs. Fortenberry’s plan. Maybe she will give Hoyt some new biscuits with a new ingredient that is better than V.

Mrs. Fortenberry: will continue to be up to no good. She will go nuts, and try to kill Jessica if she finds out that Jessica gave Hoyt V.

Hoyt: will find himself getting addicted to V. He will also save money by feeding Jessica his blood.

Jessica: has screwed up less lately, but she may have screwed up giving Hoyt V. She will hide this secret from Bill especially if Hoyt starts acting weird.

Holly: will try another one of her magic tricks on Arlene that still won’t work. Someone will tell her she should spend less time in the woods.

Arlene: continues to try to hide the fact that she wants to get rid of the baby. She will slip up, and Terry will find out. Her tears over the baby will become tears from Terry leaving her.

Terry: a light bulb will come on, and he will realize what Arlene is up to. He is a good man, and hopefully will leave her. Also, he won’t put up with any more remarks from Sam.

Jesus: will put some more moves on Lafayette to try to get him to go on the V Voodoo Ride. We may find out a little more about his past, but not the complete story.

Lafayette: starts to realize something new about himself, but not yet what that is. Still hesitant from what happens, he welcomes Jesus back into his home. He gives his crazy dolls to Summer.

Crystal: continues to refuse to sleep with her family members (good move), and drags Jason back to her home to stop the raid. What she should be doing is some more explaining on what a werepanther really is.

Jason: still remains a step or two, slow. He will have to explain to Andy why he is stopping the raid. Probably not going to become a cop now. Also, he is my choice to win favorite line of the week.

Andy: will realize being sheriff is not that great of a job. With Jason stopping the raid, and Tara knowing the secret, it will be easy to fire Jason.

Tommy: needs to learn some manners, but that is not happening. He will rob Sam blind, and have to face Sam before the episode is over. The question is: will it be human vs. human, or dog vs. dog.

Sam: starts a new chapter in his life with Tara. If you thought he was mad before, he will be furious when he finds out he has been robbed. Merlotte’s bar for sale?

Tara: will wake up surprisingly happy with her decision to sleep with Sam. She found another loser. She should have been with Sam while he was a little nicer. Their relationship will continue into next season, but end because that is what happens to Tara.

The Queen: will rebound now that the King has officially gone nuts. What a sucker, he paid all her taxes! Whatever she is planning with Bill may come to light.

The King: roasts with Eric for a while before somehow escaping. No way they kill off such a crazy character especially after killing Franklin. There is a chance that they may make it seem like he is dead until next season.

Talbot: will get a new jar to rest in peace.

Eric: has no shot of dying. Not sure how he escapes though. He is still not out of the woods because the King will survive, and Sookie and Pam are pissed at him. Don’t think he reveals why Bill can’t be trusted. A buyer of Merlotte’s?

Pam: will just be happy if Eric survives. She probably will release Bill in time to save Sookie.

Bill: may save Sookie yet again, but get dumped afterwards. He shows his true loyalty to the Queen. While he should be watching after Jessica, he loses Sookie to a new man.

Alcide: is the new man. With a strong following, he will return to be by Sookie’s side. This will set up a new relationship with her next season, and an expanded role for him.

Sookie: has had enough of vampires. She will dump Bill, and leave Eric to burn. She will seek out more information on what she really is. Confused, but not as much as Jason, she won’t be able to resist locking lips with Alcide. 

HorrO: won’t be on the show, but will be watching hoping for an epic werepanther-werewolf, werewolf-vampire, or werepanther-vampire battle. 

RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE IN IMAX 3D REVIEW

  

  As a franchise grows, some people get tired of it. They feel like it is the same old story, so it is up to the franchise to keep people interested. For Resident Evil, they tried to keep people interested by making it in 3D (I saw it in IMAX 3D). So did 3D save the Resident Evil franchise?

  The story picks off not long after where part 3 ended. Alice leads an attack on Umbrella headquarters in Tokyo, and confronts Wesker. Not long after this encounter, she goes on journey to find her friends that flew to Arcadia. Her journey leads her down the west coast of the U.S., where she finds some survivors, and the infected. With a little help, she squares off with zombies, and mutants before landing in the middle of the Umbrella Corporation’s latest experiment.

  This movie is greatly dictated by 3D. I don’t know if it is because of IMAX, or that they did such a good job, but that is probably the best 3D movie I have seen to date. Admittedly, it did take a few minutes for my eyes to adjust, but after that, it is well worth it. Did they do anything revolutionary? No, but it didn’t feel like there were any cheap tricks. It stuck to the usual blood splattering, and bullets flying at you. What made it so good is that it was crisp, and within the flow of the movie. What I mean is that the transition between 2D to 3D was smooth unlike My Bloody Valentine 3D, for example. In that movie, you could tell when they mixed the 3D in with 2D, which ruined some of the good things they were trying to do. There wasn’t a smooth transition between the two ways the movies was filmed.

  3D also has another effect on this movie. Besides the opening sequence, it feels as if the other action scenes were a little short. Maybe it is me wanting more, but if you really look at the scenes, I think you might feel they were a little short as well. What is the reason for this? My guess is that they spent the money on the 3D instead of drawn out action scenes. Take the scene where Alice and Claire face off against the giant mutant with that hammer like device. Watch it carefully, and tell me what really happens. With what is supposed to be such an opposing foe, the fight actually doesn’t last long. What saves the scene in this instance is the 3D effect of the hammer swinging at you. It probably makes you feel more scared than Alice and Claire.

  What makes those scenes feel longer is how they slow down certain moments, even stopping for a few seconds. In that same scene, you see Claire stop, and kneel down on a knee. They really milk the dramatic effect when they do this. It also kind of feels like you are playing the video game. It's as if the game switches from live action play to video footage. There is that pause before you get back to controlling the action. They do the slow motion thing throughout the movie so be prepared.

  When I sit down to watch Resident Evil, what I look forward to is watching Alice kick major ass! At the end of part 3, we are left with the possibility of having an army of Alice’s' kicking ass, and that is what we get at the beginning of part 4. In one of the better scenes of the movie, the Alice clone army attacks the Umbrella Corporation’s headquarters in Tokyo. The scene welcomes you to the type of 3D action you get for the rest of the movie. There are a lot of slow motion bullets flying, along with slow motion shots of Alice clones falling to different levels of the complex. One of my favorite ways Alice kills is with the use of her two swords, which we also get in this scene. Speaking of the swords, it is somewhat disappointing that she doesn’t use them more. Once again, 3D dictates the movie. It feels like they lean towards using guns in this movie more than swords, as in part 3. Maybe it is me, but I was hoping to see more action than we actually got.

  So whose ass did Alice kick? Well, there are the usual Umbrella soldiers, but they are basically easy pickings for her. Then, there are the nasty mutants whose mouths split apart. It is always fun when they pop up because their mouths always open just in time to taste a bullet, or sword. There is the giant I already mentioned, but his weapon turns out to be more impressive than him. One of my favorite creatures turns out to be the dogs. There are two mutant dogs that don’t appear to be anything special. That is until they make their move on Alice, and their heads split apart. They are definitely a whole new breed of dog. I can’t forget to mention the zombies. At one point, Alice ends up at a prison that is surrounded by thousands of zombies just waiting to break through the gates. There is nothing special about them, but I have to bring them up because you get such a good look at them thanks in part to the 3D. I don’t remember getting such a clear image of zombies. Some of them look cool, but others easily give away their fake appearance. Also, Alice has a run in with her nemesis Wesker, who has an interesting special ability that I will leave for you to witness.

  There were a few things that happened that were questionable. One of them is during the opening scene of the movie. Two Alice clones are running away from Umbrella soldiers while firing at them. They jump through a window, but continue to fire up from where they just came from. Who exactly are they firing at? The soldiers were a distance from them, and I don’t remember them chasing the clones. Also during that scene, some of the clones look somewhat stiff. They don’t seem to have natural movement, which gives away the CGI effects. Then there is the plane Alice flies from place to place. There is one landing that I am not all that convinced could have taken place. And again I bring up the giant. Why is it that he appears so big and strong, yet has to continuously hammer away at the prison gate? With the help of the zombies, you would think they would spring it open faster. It isn’t like the police car that they push towards the gate is actually preventing it from opening. Probably the biggest question I have is why does it appear that Luther is an important character? Is he someone from the game that I just don’t know about? Before I wrap this up, here is a tip for you. When the ending credits start rolling, stay seated for a second. There is another short clip that pops up. It is nothing special, but I thought you should know because I almost missed it.

  So did 3D save the Resident Evil franchise? I would say it would be hard to watch part 5 without it (yes I dare mention a 5th part). 3D definitely takes over the Resident Evil franchise in a way that may make it hard to turn back from. The 3D helps create crisp images, and fluid movie sequences. On the other hand, 3D appears to be the reason behind shorting the action scenes, and the way in which the action plays out. Whether it is in 3D or not, I can’t seem to get enough of watching Alice kick ass. I give this movie 3 pools of blood based largely on my IMAX 3D experience.

  HorrO

MY THOUGHTS ON TRUE BLOOD EPISODES 9, 10 AND 11

Episode 3.09- “Everything is Broken”  Nan Flanagan goes to Fangtasia for anwers about the Magister’s whereabouts; Bill gets to the bottom of Sookie’s real identity; Jason finds an unlikely ally in his feud with Felton and Calvin; Arlene has a pessimistic view of her future.

My thoughts on episode 9:

  Man oh man! What to talk about this time? This episode started off at a low point and slowly gained steam. It then reached a boiling point, and exploded like say... Franklin! I can't say it topped last week, but there were plenty of weird things going on. 

  Eric made it back to Fangtasia to get Pam, and wanted to get the hell out of there, but he wasn't fast enough. The V-Fed was there to question him about the missing Magister. Nan, the lady in charge of questioning Eric, put him down in front of webcams so that he could plead his case to the Authority. Is it weird that she has the same name as the nickname I have for my grandmother? Eric basically gave up the King, and told them he wants to kill the King. They placed him on lock down until they could come to a decision. So the Authority were those people who were watching the video feed from what looked like a basement. That kind of looked stupid. If they are the powerful Authority, shouldn't they have been sitting maybe in a boardroom on giant leather chairs? They looked like they were the guys that count down the launch of the space shuttle.

  Let me skip right ahead and get to some confusing, and really weird stuff. While a lot of people want to know what Sookie is, I want to know what Crystal and her family is. She just does so many strange things. She left Felton, and when he showed up to Jason’s house, she told him that Jason kidnapped and raped her. Then they tied Felton up with rope only to find out that he later escaped. There are all these clues being dropped, but I’m not sure. I still want to say werewolf, but why tie him up with rope? If he can change into a wolf, or is a shape shifter, then what does it matter? Or did she want him to escape because she can’t seem to make up her mind whether she wants to be with them or not? So this is what it feels like to be as confused as Jason.

  Another storyline that I am getting a little more curious about is Jesus and Lafayette. It didn't really get interesting until Lafayette's mother got involved. In the previous episode, she babbled on about how special her son was, and how she needed to protect him. Then after a night of fun between Jesus and Lafayette, his mother told him she could finally see him, weird. There is something telling me that maybe Lafayette is not just a regular guy. Also, Jesus probably knows what that is, and wants something from Lafayette. He would know after spending all that time with his mother. That can’t be just a coincidence. Did they really say there are only 3 episodes left?

  Does anyone else think it was weird how a show with vampires, werewolves, blood, and guts wants to give public service announcements all of the sudden? First, Holly and Arlene talked about Arlene’s pregnancy. Holly got her to admit she didn't want her baby. Then Holly mentioned going to the clinic, but Arlene said no. Ok, I guess she is against abortion. Later we saw Tara go to a rape support group in order to get over Franklin. Come on, can't we keep the seriousness out of the show. They are important issues, but is this really the place for them?

  Onto some good news, Franklin was alive. It was a total shock to me. First, I didn’t think he was dead, but after Talbot mentioned him last week, I thought he really died. I guess they fooled me. So Franklin came back to confront Tara. He was upset that Tara killed him, and didn’t believe it when he was told that she did it. There was an odd moment where he seemed to want to sink his fangs into her, but kind of froze up with his mouth open and fangs up in the air. Apparently he wasn’t sure what to do with Tara after finding out she didn’t love him. Now some bad news, Franklin was killed. What a tease you are True Blood! Dead then alive, alive then dead. At least he went out with a bang!

  Lets keep the weird stuff rolling! Now they want to make Hadley more important all of the sudden. She called Sookie from an aquarium to find out if Sookie had escaped the King. She told Sookie to meet her at the aquarium so that they could talk. It was there that we found out that Hadley had a son, who happens to have the same power as Sookie. When Hadley realized that he had the power and dragged him away, the boy was saying that someone already knows. What was that all about? Was he talking about his mom, dad, or someone else? Really, just three episodes?

  So if you thought it was funny that Sookie ended up in some dream world, what did you think when Bill ended up there? If it wasn’t bizarre enough that his door opened over the pond, did you notice Bill walked on water? After performing that miracle, Claudine found him, and thought that he had killed Sookie. She ran away from him, but he quickly caught her. For a brief moment, he wanted to bite her, but he got blasted away. Someone needs to teach that to Sookie, and I mean right now! I want to see her blasting more people away like she did with that one wolf. Bill somehow convinced her that he was only trying to protect Sookie, and that he needed to know what she was. Apparently she told the darkness what he wanted to know.

  I could go on and on with all the weird stuff. I mean, what is up with Summer and her dolls? Ok, I guess that wasn’t as odd as the King and his jar of Talbot guts. And what was with the supposed coffin for Pam that really looked like a tanning bed? So let me get to my favorite line of the night before I get to the ending. It really wasn’t the line itself, but more the circumstances that it was said. I laughed the most when Jason made his call to the police to let them know that a guy was tied to a tree. After he told them that the guy had V on him, they asked him if the guy needed “medical assistance.” Jason had to ask Crystal if the guy needed medical assistance, and she told him to hang up. It wasn’t the funniest thing ever, but I got a good kick out of it. One, two, three…three episodes, and that’s it!

 Now I have to mention another great conclusion to an episode. After the King saw that the Authority was going to let Eric get away with killing Talbot, he finally went over the hill. While on her way to Oregon, Nan took a moment to have a bite, and watch some news. Just as her meal was getting good, she looked up to see that the King had interrupted the newscast. He punched a hole in the newscaster, and pulled out part of his spine. Come on now, who hasn’t felt like doing that to some of these annoying newscasters? I’m sure you were having visions of that happening to some newscasters, or even reporters. Back to the point, the King then gave a great speech about how vampires are better than humans. He held the piece of spine through half the speech, which was different to say the least. The King wanted people to fear vampires instead of befriend them. He got his point across when he said “we will eat you after we eat your children.” The King, being the King, then ended his speech by saying, “Now time for the weather, Tiffany.” With Franklin dead, the King is going to have continue this kind of craziness.

  Why did I think this episode had so many weird things? After all, it is a show about vampires, and other types of creatures. Plus, nothing was weirder than that woman from last season that hypnotized the whole town. Maybe I’m just weird? Onto more important questions. Does Bill really know what Sookie is? If he does, will he really tell her? How will Eric kill the King without the help of the Authority? When are we going to find out what Crystal is? Being as confused as Jason is not fun. Will someone buy Sam a punching bag? Can Jessica please just sink her fangs into Summer already, and get it over with? Will we find out what Tiffany’s forecast was? Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, there are only three episodes left this season!

Episode 3.10- “I Smell a Rat”  Sookie gets a dire warning from Bill; Sam’s emotional outburst takes him on an unpleasant trip down memory lane; Arlene asks Holly for help with a dilemma; Jessica faces a romantic conundrum; Russel vows revenge on his foes.

My thoughts on episode 10:

  All right, I guess it was time for everyone to exhale before the last two episodes. This episode clearly didn’t measure up to the pass few episodes. I kind of had a feeling that might happen after last week’s show. This one was lighter on the action, and was more about spilling the beans. It seemed like everyone let out his or her secret, which hopefully will lead to an exciting conclusion to the season.

  Speaking of concluding the season, I am somewhat surprised that they didn’t save the secret of what Sookie was until the last episode. Instead, they are going to use it to set up the final scenes of the season. I guess they figured that a good amount of their audience already knew what she was, so why make it that big of a deal. Hell, even Sookie said it was “lame” when she found out what she was. It was actually funny reading some comments from people that didn’t know what she was because they basically called it “lame” too. I kind of wish I didn’t know. Maybe it would have made the moment a little more dramatic.

  Oh well! Now that the cat is out of the bag, the show can move on. After Bill told her that she was a fairy, I found it interesting that Bill told her that vampires had pretty much killed off fairies whenever they found them. Of course, Bill had to reassure her that he didn’t want her because she was a fairy, but because he loved her. She seemed to buy what he was selling for now, but she was still a bit cautious.

  Can I get a moment of silence for Franklin? No, not really. Ok then, moving on. We saw a flashback of Sam, and a woman in 2003, where he had apparently just stolen some jewels for her. Right as they were celebrating his latest heist, the woman’s real boyfriend came out of the bathroom with a gun. Sam had been double crossed, but we would find out later that was not a good idea. Sam snuck up on them in the woods, and beat the boyfriend up much in the same manner that he beat up Crystal’s father. The flashback kind of felt as if it came out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting to see a flashback of Sam, nor did I expect to see that Sam had a dark side. Not such a good guy after all, huh Sam?

  Have you ever been to a fair, and gotten on one of those rides where a small cart throws you around as it travels through a haunted house, or some kind of funhouse. That was what it felt like after Jesus and Lafayette took a taste of V, and were seriously tripping out. They did a good job of making you feel like you were on that ride with them. I didn’t notice until I watched it a second time that sometimes Lafayette would speak, and it was Jesus’ voice, and vice-versa. It was just a really crazy scene topped off by meeting their spiritual family members. I knew there was something not right about that boy, and now we know there was also something weird in Lafayette’s family as well.

  It was good to see best friends reunited again. Bill and Eric shared a handshake, and then a hug before catching up on good times. Ha ha, just kidding. It was nothing but high tension when the two of them met again. The topic of conversation was Sookie of course. Now that they both knew what Sookie was, it just gave them another reason to fight over her. What is really driving me nuts is that Eric keeps saying that Sookie shouldn’t trust Bill, but never gives a reason. Give it up vampire! Didn’t you get the notice that this was the episode where everyone spills the beans?

  All right, how many beans have been spilt so far? Sookie a fairy, Sam has a dark side, Jesus and Lafayette have some interesting family members, and Eric knows for sure what Sookie was. So what else was there to find out? Well, there was Jason’s secret. Of all the secrets out there, you just knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide his much longer. I was surprised that he told Sookie first, but it was even more shocking that he told Tara. He had no choice after seeing how upset she was over the whole Franklin thing. Her emotions were all out of whack. So much so that she unexpectedly kissed Jason. For a second, I was thinking about what a train wreck those two would make as a couple. Any ideas of that happening went out the window when he told her that he killed Eggs. Poor Tara, she has had such a rough time this season.

  Arlene was also a candidate for most likely to spill the beans. She has been an emotional mess for weeks now, and finally told Terry that her baby wasn’t his. In a split second, Terry’s life crashed, but he quickly picked himself up. Without giving much thought to it, he told her he would still love the baby, and wanted to marry her. I felt so bad for him. With all these crazy people, and vampires around, he has been one of the only somewhat normal guys. I hope things work out for him, but it looks like Arlene still wants to get rid of the baby.

  It was good to see that Hoyt broke up with biscuit making, creepy doll collecting Summer. Yes, I’m still upset that I didn’t get a biscuit. He professed his love to Jessica again, and again she shot him down. I thought she was becoming less of a screw up, but she did it again. When she couldn’t tell him that she loved him too, he left the bar, and had a run in with Tommy. Man did Sam make a mistake when he took in his trouble-making brother. Tommy shifted into a dog, and attacked Hoyt. I’m not for animal cruelty, but it was cool when Jessica sped over to Hoyt and threw the dog off him. See what happens when you make up your mind too late Jessica! And now the nice southern boy had to drink Jessica’s blood. It is all down hill from here.

  What a nut job the King has become! He paid that guy to sleep with him just so that he could reenact being with Talbot when he died. That was some serious craziness. Did you notice how much blood exploded out of the guy when the King stabbed him? Even with the simplest of kills, there has to be a lot of blood. And no, I’m not complaining at all. The King made it clear that he was out for revenge now.

  Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, why do you always let Eric draw you in when he gets into your dreams? You just had to go and see him didn’t you? Sookie didn’t get the notice that Eric was the only one in the episode that wasn’t going to spill the beans. He wasn’t going to tell her what he meant when he said he wasn’t going to be around much longer. Nor was he going to tell her why she shouldn’t trust Bill. After Pam interrupted and planted a good idea in his head, Eric decided to drag Sookie downstairs, and chain her up. That is not the way to a woman’s heart Eric.

  A couple of things before I count the beans. My favorite line of the week goes to Pam. We all know what that line was right? “Blah blah vampire emergency blah.” That was some great vampire code right there. I need to find a way to use that around the house. Also, I have to mention this because we rarely get to see it, and I think it should be done more often. Bill was upset at Jason for losing track of Sookie. It got to a point where Jason had enough, and uninvited Bill into his house. At that point, we saw Bill kind of glide out of the house. That seems like such an easy way to get rid of a vampire, but no one ever does it. It was refreshing to see it done.

  So I guess I have to count all the beans that hit the floor. The biggest bean, Sookie’s secret, is finally out the way after almost three full seasons. It will be interesting to see what she does from here on out. To little surprise, Jason and Arlene couldn’t hold onto their secrets. Does this mean the end of Jason’s friendship with Tara, and will Arlene lose a good man? Thanks to a flashback, we now know Sam has a dark side. Does this mean he is the next Luke Skywalker? I think I may have spilled some beans when Jesus and Lafayette where spinning around the room. Which one of them will be practicing witchcraft first? Wow, there was a bean I almost forgot to count. Crystal finally showed Jason what she was. Now was the secret that she was a shape shifter, or just a panther? See that was why I had to count all the beans again.

Episode 3.11- “Fresh Blood”  Bill tries to earn back Sookie’s trust, but ends up bringing her face-to-face with fresh dangers; Knowing he’s no physical match for the King, Eric tempts Russell with the “ultimate vampire dream;” Jason tries to wrap his head around Crystal’s revelation; Sam embraces his dark side, alienating everyone except Tara; Hoyt and Jessica take their romance to the next level; With Holly’s help, Arlene puts her future in the hands of a goddess; Post V-trip, Lafayette struggles with new demons

My thoughts on episode 11: 

 One down, one to go. This season is winding down already. It is hard to believe that all the blood sucking fun is almost over. Again, not an awe inspiring episode, but it set things up for hopefully a dramatic and exciting finish. 

  Sometimes I just have to give credit where credit is due. What a cool idea it was for them to arm Pam with a form of vampire mace. A mix of silver and water to slow down those nasty vampires. That was what Pam used on Bill when he stormed in the bar, and almost found Sookie. Fortunately for Bill and Sookie, Yvette sold out Pam, and helped Sookie escape. Too bad when they left the bar, they didn't take the vampire mace with them because it would have come in handy later. Wait, Sookie did have it in her hands. I guess she just forgot to use it. Maybe she’s saving it for another day.

  Then sometimes I have to take that credit back. Jason was talking to Crystal, and all I heard was "blah blah werepanther blah!" Crystal is a what? A werepanther! What in the hell is a werepanther? Same thing as a werewolf, but with a panther instead? Ok, they have over thought themselves this time. That is the kind of garbage I would expect from Twilight.

  Wow, True Blood actually got me to jump. I don't know how that happened. Maybe I was to busy taking notes, and it caught me off guard. Did you also jump when Lafayette and Jesus were talking, and all of the sudden Lafayette saw Jesus with this weird mask on? They were talking about that fun ride they went on last time. Jesus wants buy another ticket for that ride, but Lafayette said once was enough. I'm glad he sent Jesus home. I think that little scare was another tip that Jesus is up to no good. Too bad for Lafayette that his fun wasn't over yet. Later on he had these little dolls calling out to him. C-R-E-E-P-Y!

  Summer was in cahoots with Hoyt’s mom. I didn't see that coming. That kind of explains where Summer came from, and why she seemed so desperate for him. I don't think she stands a chance of getting him back now. Jessica told Hoyt that she killed a trucker to feed on him, but that didn't stop Hoyt from loving her. He was so into Jessica that he agreed to be her meal. I guess that will save money on taking her out to dinner. He drank her blood, she drank his: nothing good is going to come from that. How about some parenting Bill?

  Hey, can someone please tell Sam to cool it? I'm trying to write over here. Now where was I? Oh yea, Arlene continued on her crusade to get rid of her baby. She went with Holly into the woods to prepare a special drink. Arlene would need to take it for a couple of days, and that would supposedly get rid of the baby. All it did was make her bleed, and freak out Terry. She didn't lose the baby, and I'm glad. Terry doesn't deserve that. 

  The show decided to make another public service announcement. Jason watched Kitch as he threw football after football to his teammates. He got stronger as he was throwing, eventually throwing one out of the field. For someone who was supposedly going to break all the passing records, he needs to work on his throwing motion. Sorry that is the football fan in me. So Jason confronted him, and we found out he was taking V as opposed to steroids. There it is kids, don't take V, or steroids to enhance your athletic skills. It is unfair and dangerous. Really, can we stop with the public service announcements True Blood? 

  All right Sam! I'll talk about you now if you shut the hell up. Sam went crazy cursing, and insulting people. He was losing customers, and his friends' respect by the second. Welcome to the dark side Sam Skywalker! For a moment, I thought he did a good thing when he told Tommy to get lost. It was good to see Tommy be put in his place, and beg for his job. However, Sam may regret it because Tommy is up to no good again. Speaking of regrets, is he going to regret sleeping with Tara? Tara picks another winner! 

  Now to the most important thing that happened. Eric came face to face with the King, who was still holding Talbot’s remains, to give him an offer he couldn't refuse. He tempted the King with a chance to walk in the sun. That would truly make him the most powerful vampire around. In the middle of this intense conversation, Eric got a call from Pam. It was funny because of the ridiculous ring tone. Kind of reminds me of the Geico commercial about the worst ring tone. 

  After the call, the two took off, and landed smack in the middle of the road to end Bill and Sookie's wonderful conversation. When the King stopped the car, it kind of reminded me of Superman. That's a good idea; maybe Superman can kill the King? Hey, is that really anymore ridiculous of a thought than a werepanther?  So they took Bill and Sookie back to the bar, where Eric told the King that Sookie was a fairy. A drink of her blood, and they will have vampire sunscreen. The King was all in, so in the morning they drank. Eric had to go first to prove to the King it wasn't a trick. He walked outside, and didn't immediately burn. The King was amazed, and walked outside too. Gotcha! Eric handcuffed himself to the King so that they would burn together. Oh say it ain't so Eric! 

  Some miscellaneous thoughts as usual. While the ring tone wasn't a line, it came close to making my favorite line of the week. However, it was beat out by the King in a moment you may have missed. When Eric and Pam were having a conversation on the side before drinking Sookie's blood, you could barely hear the King asking questions to Sookie. My favorite line was when he asked her "Do you have wings?" The King does it again. Too bad he’s probably going to die. Speaking of the dead, you didn’t want to give Franklin the moment of silence I asked for last week, but at least the show did. I enjoyed the tribute to all the characters that have died over the past 3 seasons. It's rare that you see a show do that, and I thought it was pretty cool. I found the postmortem interesting. They discussed fairies, and some of the things we may expect from them. I can't help but think they did that because they knew some people would think that the whole fairy thing was "lame." 

  So in two weeks we have the grand finale of season 3. Anyone want to make some predictions? I think I will make mine in a separate posting so that I can see how wrong I really am. Take for example, wanting an epic werewolf-werepanther fight is probably not going to happen. They better go somewhere cool with the werepanther thing, or I’m going to make fun of it every time I see it. Now that I have given True Blood another warning, I think I’m going to go out and find some vampire mace. Why is that a vampire has vampire mace anyway? Shouldn’t humans have that? Seems a little unfair. Where did Pam say I could find some?

MY THOUGHTS ON TRUE BLOOD EPISODES 7 AND 8

Episode 3.07- “Hitting the Ground”  Sam intervenes when Melinda, and Joe Lee rope Tommy into a dogfighting ring; Eric hatches a plan to get information from Sophie-Anne; Sookie makes a last-ditch attempt to rescue Bill; Jason searches for clues about Crystal.

My thoughts on episode 7:

  One great episode followed by another. With Bill and later Sookie having near death experiences, I thought maybe this episode would be a little more dramatic. I was wrong several times last week, and I was wrong again this week. There were some dramatics, but there was still plenty of blood spilled, and some very interesting developments. 

  The show started off right where it left off, as we saw Lorena enjoy a taste of Sookie's blood. Too bad for her, the best tasting blood she ever had turned out to be the last blood she will ever have. Last week we lost Franklin, I'm still holding out hope for his return, and this week we lost Lorena. Bill had just enough strength in him to hold Lorena down so that Sookie could stake her. Poof, Mount St. Lorena erupted all over Bill. She may be dead, but she still got the last laugh on Bill. 

  Alcide and Tara came to get Sookie, but she refused to go without Bill. They wrapped him up, and were ready to go when Debbie came into the room with a gun. Again, she showed she was not the smartest of wolves because she was unsure of what to do, especially with Alcide. Tara still had on her Superwoman cape on, as she knocked the gun away from Debbie allowing Alcide to take control. We possibly lost Franklin, lost Lorena, and now Cooter. He came into the room, and was about to attack when Alcide put two bullets in him. I'm glad the show hasn't been afraid to kill off characters. It is a vampire show after all, so there needs to be death. There was one more death as Alcide ran over a wolf during their getaway. That was one vampire and two wolves in a matter of a few minutes. I can't complain with that. 

  Back in Louisiana, the Queen was locked up in an oversized birdcage. How quickly the mighty have fallen. Eric brought Hadley, the queen's human pet, into the room to get her to spill the beans about Sookie. Surprisingly the Queen wouldn't talk, but that was ok because we got to see Eric sink his teeth into Hadley. Now someone really needs to get Eric a clean shirt. Instead of the Queen, Hadley actually gave up the goods on Sookie, but we didn't get to hear what she whispered to him. That wasn't fair! What a tease! 

  Before I get back to the good stuff, I have to touch on the on going saga between Sam and his parents. Last week, we finally found out what his parents were up to. This week, it was Sam to the rescue as usual. The problem was that it turned out to be a pretty weak rescue. As expected, he transformed into a dog in order to walk right into the dog fighting camp. Then he transformed back to free the other dogs, and save his brother. All he did was command the other dog to go away, and then yell at his parents. That wasn’t very exciting at all. How about some resistance from the dog handlers? Maybe a good swing at Joe Lee for putting Tommy in that ring? Later they showed Tommy and Sam as they were driving back home. Why they showed this, I don't know. They didn't say anything, so it was basically pointless. 

  Now back to the good stuff. Sookie insisted on being in the back of the van with Bill. What a mistake that turned out to be. Seeing that Bill was about to die, she cut her arm, and feed him her blood. Well, if you thought Lorena liked her blood, that was nothing compared to Bill. It was Bill's private feeding frenzy. When they finally pulled the car over, Tara found Sookie about dead, and a confused Bill lying next to her. Angry that her friend was attacked and still high on Franklin’s blood, Tara kicked Bill out of the van. What, Bill didn't disintegrate in the sunlight? What is in that blood, and where can I get some? Oh, that's right, I'm not a blood-sucking vampire. Sorry! 

  Sookie, now covered in blood, was taken to the hospital, where doctors did their best to keep her alive. That was where things really started to get weird, but very interesting. First, the doctor said she didn’t have a blood type. Ok, if you say so! Then, with her friends and brother by her side, she slipped into some kind of dream world. It wasn’t a flashback that we have become used to. There were people dancing, and running all around. At first, I thought maybe this was a little piece of heaven, but then I realized they were in a cemetery. I’m sure that is not heaven for most people, but these people are not most people. Sookie met a woman named Claudine, who did her best to convince Sookie to stay there. Ok, this is where I got really confused. So she wanted Sookie to stay there, but where was there? If she stayed, did that mean Sookie had to die? Second, what was that whole mind reading conversation they were having about water, and not being able to swim? That went right over my head. I guess that was a reference to something in the previous seasons that I don’t remember. Thank goodness for Bill because he put all my confusion to rest when he came to Sookie’s rescue for probably the last time. It was interesting how when he came into the hospital room that all the people in Sookie’s dream world jumped into the water as the sky became dark. Claudine warned Sookie not to let Bill steal her light? In the short time that we saw Claudine, she sure as hell did a good job of making my head spin.

  Awe, speaking of heads spinning, who else was happy that someone finally put an end to the Magister? I was getting tired of that little rodent vampire. It would drive me crazy that Eric was bigger and stronger, but couldn’t go over, and kick his ass. Well, in another interesting scene, the Magister was about to pierce Pam’s eyelids with Tiffany earrings. Ugh, that was true horror for us guys when we heard Pam say she was a “Tiffany girl!” It gave me chills. We didn’t even get to see the piercing because Eric came in the room just in time. Damn you Eric! Then the Queen made her entrance, and then the King. Why did they all have to make their own entrance? I mean, come on vampires, get over yourselves. The King is starting to grow on me. He is very relaxed, and smooth, but when he gets mad, he shows very little patience. The Magister stood for everything that the King hated about the current world vampires lived in, and he made the Magister pay for it. With a quickness (that is understated), the King replaced Pam with the Magister. After getting the Magister to marry them, the King sliced off his head. Now that is a great ending to an episode. I loved the slow motion spinning of the Magister’s head, as it flew through the air, and splatter all over the floor. We just needed Pam to yell out “off with his head” just before it happened. Yea, so much for dramatics!

  Last week I did not give out a favorite line of the week because there was so much blood shed, who had time for that? This week was full of blood too, but there were still several good lines. Here are a few of my favorites. Sookie kicked off things when she told Lorena that she “wouldn’t know love if it kicked her in the fangs!” Not long after that, Debbie topped that by asking if they made Bill into a “vampire burrito” for her. Now that was pretty funny right there. Jason had to get in the on the fun when he said, “I never thought I was smart enough to get depressed.” Oh Jason, how does that even make sense? Also, I was amused when Tara and Jason were both cursing while standing at Sookie’s bedside, and Lafayette had to tell them to stop cussing. I am not sure which of these lines was my favorite. How about you choose from these this week?

  So it looks like we are getting closer, and closer to finding out what Sookie really is. I know, some of you already know, but lets pretend that we don’t. It is more fun that way. It is a little sad that this looks like the end of Bill and Sookie. It looks like Bill has turned to the dark side, but I am not sure he was ever really playing for the good guys. Now that Sookie doesn’t have Bill, nor Eric, looks like my prediction of Alcide getting a piece of the action is improving. Unfortunately for him, he is about to get hunted down by his ex. Nothing like a crazy ex to ruin things for you! Now that Eric has saved Pam, how much longer until he turns against the King? I am curious about how he plans to take down the King, especially with the King looking more powerful each week. I will leave you with a quick comment about this week’s postmortem. It was a great tribute to Bill and Lorena’s loving, and tender relationship. I will miss Bill smacking her across the room, or lighting her on fire. Their sex scene will go down as one of the strangest scenes in True Blood history! Now where can I get some of those biscuits?

PS- did anyone else notice that this episode was shorter?

Episode 3.08- “Night on the Sun”  Alcide’s family emergency leaves Sookie unprotected; Lafayette is surprised by a visit from his mom; Sam has his hands full with Tommy; Jessica and Bill patch up their differences; Sophie-Anne moves into a new home.

My thoughts on episode 8:

  If you noticed last week, for the first time in a while, I did not mention the epic vampire-werewolf battle that I have been waiting for. Well, finally don't ask, and you shall receive. Not sure if it was epic for say, but that is probably as good as it is going to get for now. That was one hell of an ending, but let's talk about how we got there first. 

  The beginning of the show was a lot sadder than the ending. Sookie finally got enough of Bill's blood to wake up from her comma. After being silent to the point Jason thought she suffered brain damage, Sookie finally asked everyone to leave the room so that Bill and her could talk. Their conversation ended with their break up, and Bill leaving the room crying blood. I really thought that was the end of them for a while. Oh well, that was a short while! 

  The next scene of the episode was hilarious. I really enjoyed this series of spectacles. Favorite line of the week goes to this entire scene. First the queen was having a fit about her new living quarters, and then Talbot was complaining about all the crazy things that have happened at the house. Then Talbot said, "you can't buy your way out of everything," and the King responded, "of course I can, this is America!" Eric then interrupted with the first of two great lines by him. He told the King that there was a "were-bitch in his study." Besides being a “were-bitch,” Debbie kind of reminds of Britney Spears gone nuts. With that, the conversation moved to the study, where Debbie begged to go after Sookie and Alcide. She said that she will "rip their fucking heads off!" The King asked Eric for his opinion on the matter, and he started by saying, "I enjoy a good head ripping as much as the next vampire." There was just too much fun going on at the King's house as usual. 

  Unfortunately, we now know that Franklin really is dead. That sucks because I was finally starting to like him. There is nothing wrong with a cuckoo vampire. Too bad no one bothered to tell him fatal attractions are called "fatal" attractions for a reason. He really did mess up Tara. She had a dream that she was in the shower, and who other than Franklin popped up. He may be dead, but I wouldn't mind seeing him do some crazy stuff in her dreams for an episode or two. Franklin could be even more psycho in the dream world! 

  After the break up, it was a sad homecoming for both Bill and Sookie. Sookie was depressed, and things weren't about to get any better. After it seemed Alcide might be staying for a while, he informed her that he had to go back home. This was the last of a few intense moments between the two of them. Yea, we all saw you checking Sookie out on the blanket Alcide! Even Tara saw that too. With both of them almost kissing, and the big break up, I was really liking my prediction of them hooking up. Again, oh well! 

  Bill came home to Jessica, who was excited to see him. The happy reunion didn't last long because Bill told her to leave. He insisted that he couldn't protect her, and was not good for her. Jessica refused to go, which was good because they need each other. Who better to share stories about how they screwed up with their human partners? Plus, it led to a cool scene where Bill was teaching Jessica how to fight. Their fast forward acrobatics all over the living room was awesome.

 Now that Tara ended her weird relationship, it was time for Jason to put his into high gear. Crystal showed up at Jason's house all wet, and crying. I thought Jason was being dumb again when he asked her if she swam there, but that was actually what she did. She did it so that she couldn't be tracked. Jason, being Jason, had to throw in there that he thought that was drug dealer code for something. Later, we saw Jason go to where she was living, and he found someone sitting next to a deer eating it. Hmm, are these more werewolves? I guess I was wrong about Crystal, but I still find it weird how Jason falls into almost a spell when he is around her. Oh, I cannot forget to mention when Crystal’s father, and boyfriend showed up at Sam’s bar. Sam and Tommy both smelled trouble (literally). It was shocking how the father mentioned that Sam was a “shifter.” That really peaked my interest. Tommy seems like a troublemaker, but he may come in handy if whatever these people are come back to the bar.

  I can’t put off the really good stuff any longer. Two things set up the end of the episode. First, Eric gave a message to Hadley to relay to Sookie. Hadley showed up at Sookie’s house, and told her that Eric said the King would be coming for her, and not to trust Bill. Well, the King coming for her was right, but so much for her not trusting Bill. She took the warning of the King’s visit seriously, as she, along with Bill, and Jessica, waited for his arrival. Before the King could make his way there, he needed to smooth things over with Talbot. This was the second thing that set up the ending. As Talbot threw another fit in front of the King, Eric volunteered to stay behind, and entertain him. This was a suitable solution for Talbot, and the King went on his way.

  With Sookie waiting in her room with a shotgun, Debbie barged in the house with two werewolves. Bill and Jessica faced off with the wolves, as Debbie made her way to Sookie’s room. Ding, ding, ding! The bell went off, and there was a great little fight between the two of them. For a minute, I thought Alcide might have actually faked leaving, or followed Debbie back to the house, but that didn’t happen. It was just Debbie versus Sookie. As expected, Bill killed yet another werewolf, and was about to check on Sookie when he saw Jessica make a mistake. What a surprise right? Jessica makes a mistake, no way! As Bill said earlier on, “way!” She ran out of the house, and right into the King’s arms. Bill had to taunt the King into letting her go, and face him vampire to vampire. I really did not like the idea of Bill fighting the King. It would really take some luck for him to win that battle.

  Hey, what do you know, luck showed up. Back at the King’s house, Eric was seducing Talbot. After kissing, and rolling around on the ground, Eric told him to turn over. Talbot was waiting for something, but that wasn’t what Eric gave him. Instead, he staked him, killing the one person the King really loved. Finally, Eric’s plan for vengeance came to a perfect ending. I didn’t see that coming, but I was happy about it. Although he was funny, I was getting tired of hearing Talbot whine. Also, I lost some respect for Eric when he kneeled down to the King telling him how great he was, and then of course when he kissed Talbot. Oh well for the third time. He quickly made up for that. I just wonder what he would think if he found out that he actually saved Bill in the process?

  As soon as Eric staked Talbot, the King, who had Bill pinned down, flew away. That was pretty cool right? Bill recovered, and ran up to Sookie’s room. No need to worry because she won her battle royal with Debbie. If nothing had shocked you up to that point, you had to be shocked when Bill, and Sookie quickly got back together. It didn’t take long before they were on the floor going at it. Thankfully, Bill didn’t feel the need to twist her neck around. Oh and Jessica, you drain that werewolf! Way to make up for that mistake. Wow, that was some ending!

  Of course, a great ending like that only leads to new questions for next week. Are Sookie and Bill really back together, or was that just a heat of the moment kind of thing? Does that mean that Alcide no longer has a chance with Sookie? Will the King hunt down Eric when he finds out that Eric killed Talbot? And what will be more important to the King now, getting Sookie, or getting revenge on Eric? Then there are other questions such as, what is the story with Crystal and her family? Did Jason put the police force in danger by threatening Crystal’s father? Will Franklin be the next Freddy Krueger? And the most important question, was that the epic vampire-werewolf fight I have been waiting for, or is there going to be an even bigger, and better one?

MY THOUGHTS ON TRUE BLOOD EPISODES 5 AND 6

Episode 3.05 -  “Trouble” Alcide and Sookie turn to an alpha-wolf “packmaster” for advice on how to deal with Russell’s minions. Tara considers a proposal from Franklin, who’s completed his mission for Russell; Joe Lee breaks his promise to Sam and Tommy; Lafayette learns the meaning of patience from Jesus, his mother’s orderly; Jason meets his match in a mysterious girl named Crystal. An heirloom reminds Eric of his past and his ongoing thirst for vengeance.

My thoughts on episode 5:

  As I watched this episode and made my notes, I noticed a common theme was occurring. I was writing how certain things that happened were “interesting.” So the theme of my thoughts on episode 5 is going to be about the “interesting” things that happened. Hmm, where to start?

  I guess I will start with poor old Tara. The episode started with her still tied up, and unsure of what Franklin’s plans were for her. She had a moment of hope when Bill walked in along side the King, and Lorena. It was a nice touch leaving the blood all over their faces. Bill was surprised to see her, but as I thought, had no plans to save her. Now to the “interesting” part of this whole Franklin-Tara thing. Franklin had a conversation with the King, where we found out that Franklin has done this to other woman. Apparently he becomes obsessed with them, or maybe you could say it is like a “fatal attraction.” At one point, the light went on, and Tara realized how obsessed he was with her, and she started to use that against him. It was going well until he proposed to her, and asked her to become his “vampire bride.” That may be one wedding I would actually want to attend.

  Lafayette has been a very outspoken character throughout the few seasons of True Blood. He has never been afraid to put people in their place (key word was people, vampires not included), and give his opinion. I may be wrong, but for the first time we saw him almost at a loss for words. This was an “interesting” twist for someone with such a strong personality. This was all made possible by a surprise appearance by his mom’s caretaker, Jesus. Jesus had the day off, and made it a point to come and ask Lafayette out on a date. Unfortunately for Jesus, Lafayette had to work all day, but that didn’t stop Jesus from sticking around to keep his eye on Lafayette. I wonder where the show is going with this newfound relationship.

  In my thoughts on episode 4, I questioned where the rest of Alcide’s pack was. Well, we didn’t get to see a pack, but we did get a quick introduction to the “packmaster”. This was “interesting” because it gave us a little more detail on how the werewolves functioned, but more importantly it gave us more background on what has been going on between the werewolves and the King. First, the packmaster made it clear that Alcide should not be hanging around Sookie because she was a human. Then he told them that the King had a history of owning werewolves, and there was nothing they could do about it. He basically said to just let the King do what he wanted to do, and then he would eventually leave. Sookie listened to the voice in his head, which said that he was afraid, there was no one that could help him, and he may leave town. Alcide tried to get him to help, but Sookie told him to let him go. The packmaster even told Alcide to “obey.” It was funny seeing him try to be leader when overall, he was probably the least impressive “packmaster” you will find. If there are any remaining members of the pack around, I suggest you vote Alcide as your new packmaster, and quickly.

  Then there was a “wow moment” for me when Eric showed up at the King’s house. I didn’t see that coming. Since he didn’t want to go to Jackson with Sookie, I didn’t think we would see him there unless Sookie was in absolute danger. So much for that idea. This was the beginning of several “interesting” things to happen with respect to Eric, Bill, and Sookie. Eric was there to ask for permission from the King to hunt the area for Bill. Eric was telling the King how he thought Bill was the one selling V. Just when you thought the King might hide the fact that Bill was there, Bill walked into the room. You could tell there was still no love lost between the two of them. Eric actually told the King the truth about what was going on. Also, it was “interesting” how quickly Eric realized that with Bill under the King’s control now, Bill no longer had any say over Sookie.

  Not long after that, the King and Bill sat down to have their own conversation. Franklin had brought back some papers from Bill’s house, and the King questioned Bill about them. The papers were about Sookie’s family tree, and had certain names circled. The King proposed an “interesting” theory to him about how Sookie was a telepath, and Bill was with her to gain from something to do with her power. Of course, Bill denied all of this. Just when we thought the King and Bill were going to be a team, this set the stage for a break up of this short-lived alliance. Bill was able to hold back when he felt Sookie was in trouble at the bar, but I knew that wouldn’t last. Now the “interesting” question is does Bill really love her, or does he have some other plan for her in the long run?

  I like how the show uses flashbacks to provide you with information. It gives the show, and the characters some depth and history. Also, whenever there is a flashback, you always have to pay extra close attention to what is going on. As Eric was given a tour around the King’s home, he got a look at a crown that sparked an “interesting” flashback. It took us back to the time of the Vikings, where we briefly meet Eric’s father and mother. It wasn’t long until we got to see his parents be attacked, and killed by werewolves. It was cool how Eric pulled out his sword, with warning from his father, just in time to turn around and stab a werewolf. They did a good job of showing how quickly the wolf turned back into a human as soon as Eric killed it. At the end of the flashback, we saw a wolf take his father’s crown to a man in a black robe. As Eric was about to approach him, he told Eric not to be a hero. I wasn’t sure if Eric was a vampire when the flashback started, and I guess he wasn’t. If that was the case, then I think it was “interesting” that we got to finally see Eric before he was a vampire. Also, for some reason, I am not surprised that he was a Viking. What can I say he looks the part!

  Finally, the episode ended on another “interesting” note. Alcide called Sookie into the living room, and when she came around the corner, Bill was standing there. See, I knew Bill couldn’t stay away when he knew she was in danger. Again, was he really worried about her or her power? What a power it turned out to be. Not only can she read minds, but also she can zap people with some kind of light, or electricity that comes out of her hands. We saw this, as the King and his followers tracked Bill to the apartment in hopes of finding Sookie. The King was greatly amused by Sookie’s talents. Smooth move Bill, you lead them right to her. It will be “interesting” to see what the King has planned for her.

  Before concluding this, I have to quickly move from the “interesting” things that happened to the funny things. I didn’t really have a favorite line of the night, but a favorite moment instead. Building on all the crazy things Franklin has done, he had to show Tara how fast he could text. It was hilarious to watch him hold up the phone, and speed text. It amused him as much as it amused me, as he had to show her he could do it several times. I wonder if he can tweet, and Facebook that fast too! I did like the funny moment between Jessica and Arlene. Jessica asked her why she never looked her in the eyes when they talked. Arlene replied that she did not what to be hypnotized by her. Jessica took offense to this. If she couldn’t hypnotize Arlene, she was going to do it to her customers. She told the next couple that came in not to tip their waitress. Way to go Jessica! By the way, did anyone catch Sam and Tommy watching a nature show?

  So with all the “interesting” things that happened, I should expect some big things to come in the next episode. Will Tara really become a vampire bride? Is there anything more to this newfound romance between Lafayette and Jesus? Can we find a real “packmaster?” Are Bill and Eric really in love with Sookie, or is she more of a piece of a collection as the King views her to be? And last but not least, are we going to see an epic vampire-werewolf battle? (laughing)

Episode 3.06 – “I Got a Right to Sing the Blues” Spurned by Eric, Sookie fears the worst for Bill, whose fate now lies in Lorena’s hands. Fueled by a night of bloody passion, Tara executes a desperate plan to stave off Franklin’s advances. In Bon Temps, Tommy finds it difficult to leave the family nest; Jessica gets her fix from a Merlotte’s customer; and Jason’s romance with Crystal hits a snag, as does Lafayette’s with Jesus. After revealing his master plan to Eric, Russell pays a visit to Louisiana in order to start executing it. 

My thoughts on episode 6:

  Now that was an episode of True Blood for us horror fans. There were brains getting bashed in, vampires biting people, and people biting vampires. Blood was all over the place. I knew the show was getting ready for a big episode, and we got it. 

  This episode got off to a great start with Bill staking one of the King's vampires, and turning him into a pile of blood and guts. However, his feelings for Sookie clouded his judgment because he somehow thought he could get her out of the King’s house. It only got him escorted out the door, and subjected to the King’s orders to have Lorena kill him. He was so desperate to save her that he practically begged Eric to get her out of there, but that didn’t happen. As usual, it looked like Eric was only looking out for Eric. Now that he knew it was the King that killed his parents, it seemed like his plan for “vengeance” was more important than Sookie, as he used her to gain the King’s trust.

  Just as Bill was looking out for Sookie, she wanted to do the same for him, but was in no position to do so. As the King’s vampires dragged Bill away, Sookie warned Lorena that she would kill her if she killed Bill. You got to give it to humans like Sookie. How they think they can just threaten vampires with no consequences is beyond me. It took only a second for Lorena to get in Sookie’s face, and tell he her that she would “love to rip out your rib cage and wear it as a hat.” Now stop reading this for a second, and imagine Lorena walking around with Sookie’s rib cage on top of her head. Ridiculous right? I would still pay to see it though!

  When this season started, Jason and Andy were the star comedic team on the show. Over the last couple of episodes, they just haven’t been as funny together, or even apart. Last week we saw a new comedic team form, which continued this week. Arlene and Jessica were not at the level that Jason and Andy were, but they are on the way. It worked so well how Arlene was scared to death that at any moment Jessica could eat her, or possibly one of the customers. Arlene had all these vampire prejudices, and isn’t afraid to blurt them out. It was funny how Arlene thought Jessica would want to eat her even more because she was pregnant. Also, did anyone notice that Jessica has been getting a little better at being a vampire? She was pretty smooth getting that lady into the bathroom to feed on her, and then get her out without a big mess.

  Not that this storyline really interests me yet, but I didn’t mention it last week so I feel I should get it out of the way now. Jason was still in the woods making out with his mystery woman. It was odd how one moment they were about to get it on, then weren’t, and next they were on again. It was back and forth until finally she took off after smelling something in the air. It almost seemed like she had Jason under a spell. I haven’t read the books so I have no idea what she is. She is not a vampire, or werewolf, so my guess is either a fairy or good witch. Now back to something that did interest me. Who knew that not only could Sookie hear people’s thoughts, and blast people with light, but she also does impersonations. A few episodes ago she did Bill, and now she did Eric. It is so funny to see one character do impersonations of another character. Her impersonation of Bill was better, but it was still a funny moment especially in the middle of a serious situation.

  One of the more important conversations of the night occurred between the King, and who other than Sookie. Again, she had to throw some silliness into a serious conversation. The King was obviously not used to this, and showed a lot of patience with her. The best was when he asked her what she was, and she said she was a “waitress.” Oh Sookie, are you kidding me? Sometimes I wonder if she is just playing dumb, or she is that dumb. Whatever, she is a great character because of moments like that (and her impersonations of course). Give her credit; she did get the King to agree to answer her questions as well. She couldn’t have led off with a better question, which was about if the King was the King of all vampires. She had an even better follow up question. I can’t believe she really asked the King if he had a crown. What does that have to do with anything Sookie? She is too funny I tell you. If being a waitress doesn’t work out, maybe she can be a reporter, or comedian. Let me not even get started on the possibility of her being an “alien.”

  As much of a screw up as Tara usually is, she actually came through for once. She proved that most people would do just about anything not to become a vampire. That is unless your name is Bella, but let me not get started on that either. I thought Tara realized, at the end of last week’s episode, that she wouldn’t get out of this mess, but I was wrong. She continued to make Franklin think she was really into him. She convinced him to untie her so that she could make the most of her last night with him as a human. Tara must have had the theme song in her head, “Oh Franklin, I’m gonna do bad things to you!” He wanted her to bite him, and suck the blood right from him. For a moment there, she didn’t seem as if she could do it, and I didn’t think she had it in her. Well, I was wrong again. She made a nice hole in his neck. It was a great shot of her doing it as well because you could see all the blood oozing out of him, and the expression on her face. Just when you thought that was the best of Tara, she went crazy on Franklin. She got one of the many medieval weapons off the wall, and bashed his head in. She was covered in blood now, but I’m sure that was nothing compared to biting him. He better be dead because if you thought he was mad and crazy before, oh he is going to be pissed. Super Tara was not done yet. She was able to trick the guard outside Sookie’s room to open the door, and then they were able to knock him out. On the way out of the room, Sookie asked Tara what she was doing there. Tara said that she was “killing vampires and saving her ass.” Boy did she get that right.

  Poor Bill was strapped down to the floor, and at the mercy of Lorena. Really he just wanted her to go ahead and kill him. She insisted on having a conversation with him, as she began to slowly torture him. They didn’t know it, but their boring conversation was torturing me too. I don’t want to see Bill die, but I agreed with him. If it was going to happen, then get it over with already. With all that talking, it was surprising to see that she really was serious about torturing him. He was all sliced up lying on that floor. Adding insult to injury, the werewolf couple had to come in to get a piece of the action. After watching the couple run off high on vampire blood, Sookie went to Bill’s side to see if he was still alive. Just as it looked as if Bill was coming to, Lorena grabbed Sookie, and threw her against the wall. To my surprise, she actually bit right into Sookie’s neck. I didn’t see that coming. If Lorena could slice up Bill, there is no telling how much blood she could suck from Sookie. What if she decides that she would look good wearing a rib cage hat?

  This episode was full of so much great stuff that I didn’t even get a chance to mention the strange turn of events involving Sam’s family, or how Jesus doesn’t date drug dealers. Nor did I mention how the Queen won $100 from a scratch off lotto ticket, but then lost her freedom to the King. By far, this was my favorite episode of the season. All the blood and guts was so great that it almost got me to forget about wanting an epic vampire-werewolf fight. There are so many questions for the weeks to come. Is Franklin really dead, and if he isn’t, what will he do to Tara? Why doesn’t Jesus date drug dealers? Will Jason ever become a cop? Ok, I know there are more important questions such as, just how will Eric get his “vengeance” on the King? What does the King have in store now that he has the Queen? How will Bill and Sookie survive the damage done to them by Lorena? And if they do survive, what will their relationship be like now that Sookie knows Bill was looking into her family tree?